The Mist!

In mist I walk alone,
In mist I stand alone,
Dim light trying to clear the air,
But the mist so dense,
Its hard to find a way!

In this mist I hear only myself,
No noise to distract me away,
I am with me,
Holding on to myself.

Its not scary- it just is!
Its not thrilling- it just is!
Its not rushing- it just is!

Engulfed in mist alone;
I am me- just me!

-Pooja A. Shrivastava

Break Point Once Again- A Make Point Once Again!!

I shall smile for the world,
but who shall I turn to when I cry;
Forget the sorrows and move on they say,
but what if they are ones throwing stones on my way;
Am I to rely on no one in my life?
No one to come share my pain and say "baby its all right"..
All I have are the ones who have stood by me
But now have just distrust to spare...
No I wont take pity,
I wont take accusation,
I have dignity
I have my honor by my side..
I shall not lose myself again,
Not to you nor others as well...
I am putting myself back again
And shall do that again and again-
B'coz Life puts you through tests
But I promised myself
That I shall Rise Again and Again!!!

Depression a Reality., but Suicide is not the Answer!!

The feeling of letting go.. feeling of never having to deal with it anymore.. the feeling of being lost in the pain so that we cant feel the pain anymore... Yes many of us have been there or we know someone who has been.. or we might as well have lost someone due to this...
I speak from my experience as I have been on that edge when I wanted to let go.. to lose, to never face.. to give up... 
Depression- our emotions that turn us upside down.. inside out.. delude our perceptions, our understanding our belief system.. Depression is a reality..
For some it might work when you say "Accept it bro and Move on in life " not for all.... what if the situation they are in and the perception they carry right now does not allow them to move on...
Let me make it clear.. I DO NOT APPROVE OF SUICIDE AS AN OPTION.. LIKE I SAID I HAVE BEEN ON THAT EDGE..
But It is still a reality.. I speak to people who feel they are on the edge and wanna let go -
"DON'T" coz there is always a way to out.. We are not seeing in the right direction.. Don't close down when you feel this low; share your thoughts; doubts and questions with someone you truly trust.. some one has always stood by you!! or there are always professionals you can go to. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness. Not Accepting it- IS!!!
All this debates over if an actress committing suicide... it is sad... A family Lost someone they loved, they cared about..
In a suicide its not just 'A life' that is lost; the family dies with it.. the mourning never stops...
It was the thought of my parents, brother and sister and my friends that made me step back from the edge...
Think of the ones you love before taking any extreme step... You are a loved, blessed soul.. God is looking after you.. So He has put you through Life tests.. but he has equipped us with lessons and strengths as well...
Have faith in yourself.. God loves you..

The Battlefield

Behind the walls of the shield,
I fight the war beneath,
I am the army, I am the force,
I am the enemy, I am the fort.
Swords that slay me,
arms that cover me,
the blood spilled.
All are mine and all is me
I am the slayer,
I am the slayed..
I am the warrior, I am the menace..
This my battle,
This life is my battlefield; The war is my life story,
The ending is my Salvation..


Pooja Shrivastava

LOST!!

Lost….3rd August 2014

What is the worst thing that can happen….

You can lose your things; you can lose your comfort

You can lose money; you can lose your belongings

You can lose property; you can lose your roof

You can lose your loved ones; you can lose the ones who love you more

But tell me what to do -

When-

You lose yourself; you lose faith

you lose the feeling of belonging

you lose the cherished memories only the darkness engulf you

you lose the ability to love, to expect, to laugh and to enjoy

you lose the desire to live and want to succumb in the night

And Please please please tell what you do when-

You WANT to be lost….

 

.......???

Its been years that I have written; or may be written but did not want to share it here...
yea that is exactly what happened..
Past days have been troublesome to put it lightly; I don't want to say much about it here...
But I do want to say how I feel today...
What past has taught me
What shadows now follow me
What I carry with myself
It might or might not matter to everyone else..
But for me it an experience I pray no one has to encounter
and though its the cruel reality of the very world around us all
I pray that who so ever encounters it shall have the strength to bear it and move on in life...
To all my fellow survivors "Have a little faith, Hold on a little longer. Lord is watching over us all.. Don't give in to sorrows. You think its beyond your limit then happiness is just beyond the corner. He is simply testing our Faith.. Pray and stay True.. He is your Witness; He is your Partner.. "

What do you Name when you try and write about your life experiences after dying and then being alive again... . The Rising... The Re-awakening... ??? The Phoenix ...

I am not even sure I want to title this post...
How do I describe this feeling of writing again.. of wanting to write again.. of have small pieces of my soul coming back again...
Being Lost but Finding my Way back to Self
The belief that Not is All is lost
there is still hope and there is still a way forward..
A friend of mine said now that you have finally hit the ground there is only one way and that 'UP'
That's a good advice.. When things look bleak and blurry; these are the kind of words one would wanna listen...

You and I..!!!

When i thought i was lost,

you came along,

and showed me the way.

When i thought i was moving on,

you smiled,

and bade me away.

When i though i was sad,

you wiped my tears away. 

you held me

when i could not look at myself, 

you held me

when i felt betrayed. 

you stood by me when i failed

and said that hope is on the way. 

you warmth made the hurt go away,

your kindness made the pain wash away. 

you accepted me with my flaws,

never cajoled me to change. 

but now i wish to overcome my weekness,

so that i can on my own

find my way to you... 

- Pooja A Shrivastava 

Stranger on the Way

Was on my way, walking away,
when i saw a freckled known face
I wanted to turn away,no desire to say "Hey"
I looked down, too hesitant,
too awkward too shocked now to step away.
Cornered on my way, with the face inches away,
Forcing me to meet its eyes.

The eyes showed me no mercy,
they showed me no cruelty
they showed me no judgement
they showed me no pain

The eyes reflected to truth,
they reflected the fact,
they reflected the acts
they reflected the tracks.

The freckled face so familiar,
spoke to me now,
"Running away is never the answer
because there is no real running away.
Even if you outrun others,
you can never out run your SELF."
"I am you, or what was YOU,
I am still beneath all the layers,
I am the eyes of your conscience,
seeing you the way no one else ever can"

"Accept the past, Accept the actions,
Accept the remorse of the deeds done on the way.
Learn from your mistakes, don't forget them
the regret  won't let you sleep
and remorse won't let you breathe."

"Make your wrongs right,
Undo the actions did in anger,
Redo the work with pure love,
You may then be allowed to sleep
and the dreams will then take over."

-Pooja A Shrivastava

TIME SHALL TELL!

Time shall tell
about the unplanned days
Time shall tell
about the sleepless nights
Time shall tell
about the mourning
Time shall tell
about the pains of the wait
Time shall tell
about the depths of heart
Time shall tell
about the heights of fall
Time shall tell
about the valleys within.
Time shall tell
about the scared spirit.

Time shall tell
about the unknown calling
Time shall tell
about the healed one's journey
Time shall tell
about the Rising of an Unified Soul
Time shall tell
about this Soul's journey ahead
Towards its Home.

-- Pooja A Shrivastava

कुछ पुरानी यादेँ.

कुछ पुराने पन्ने किताब के
आज युही जो पलट गए
ताज़ी हुई यादों के बहाने जो मिल गए
छिपकर बैठे आंसू को
किनारे यों मिल गए ।
आज बीत गया यादों के संघ
अब कल की ओर नहीं भी कोई शर्म
बीत गए है वोह पल जिनसे था हमें डर।
कुछ पुराने पन्ने किताब के
आज युही जो गए पलट,
ताज़ी हुई यादे आज
मुस्कुरदिये अब फिर हम।

- पूजा श्रीवास्तव

HARRY POTTER.. FAREWELL

"Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."- J.K. Rowling ...

This is not a farewell.. i shall never forget harry, dumbledore, ron hermione, sirius, luna, ginny, dobby, fred george, snape, prof.mcgonnagle, hagrid, neville, mrs.norris, mr. filch, abberforth and so many more.. even Tom riddle..

Jo you actually made me explore myself.. In the magical world of harry potter i found out abt the true magic inside us all...

thank you for everything.

Feeling Blissful Everyday!!

Insight: We all are a part of one Universal Energy called God. For me I am one of the many who call Him "Shree Ram."
He sent us here, away from Him (only physically though) to learn from the mistakes, to spread His message and to witness His many miracles. He never bade us farewell but it was us who beneath all the masks and materialism forgot our true self.
I write this because I like many have been awakened, touched by reality and realized that "He loves me and accepts me even after all my mistakes." He by blessing me has given me yet another chance to make a little difference in His beautiful creation called World.
So I am writing what He has inspired in me- The hand may be mine but the ideas and words, the Truth in the sentences is all HIM.
He has blessed me again and again and I'm not the only one who can give a proof the only of that- because I'm just one of the many who has been touched.
Ramji (for me, for He has so many names) sent me here to do some tasks and learn from them; may be He punished me and now I'm here facing detention. Though I was not happy about the punishment, He knew I deserved it and it was a necessity. The separation was more painful for Him than it was to me,
But today when I remember the past and look at the present I feel nothing but purest form of gratitude and love and devotion. I feel Him close to me in each and every moment like I could reach up to Him in one moment, like I could embrace Him in one hug. I feel Him watching over me and I feel His love pouring out for me.
And in the end (as I wish it would end) I feel the separation is gonna end soon. He is as anxious for me to return Home as I am.
But I still have some few more miles to go- these miles are paths and tasks of my life. Some responsibilities that are on me to fulfill, some messages to spread, many lessons to learn, many deeds to perform. Many to love and many more to be made aware of 'Him'.

- POOJA A. SHRIVASTAVA
30th April 2011

On Saying...

" Wise is the one who knows when not to say,
Honest is the one who knows what not to say,
and
Diplomat is the one one who knows how not say.."

- Pooja A. Shrivastava

BEAUTIFUL....

Beautiful is the little shy bud,
Beautiful is the well blossomed flower.

Beautiful are the clear rain drops,
Beautiful are the lush green fields.

Beautiful is the twinkling sky,
Beautiful is the morning sun.

Beautiful was the past,
Beautiful is the present.

Beautiful is the instrument,
Beautiful is the music it plays.

Beautiful is the World,
Beautiful are the People on it...

- Pooja A. Shrivastava

AUM DASHRATHAYE VIDMAHE
SITA VALLABHAYE DHI-MAHI
TAN NO RAMAH PRACHODAYAT.

JAI SHREE RAM

Memories for the future

a walk down the memory lane,

the insights of the lovely old days,

the innocence of the pranks-

proof the cherished past,

and the hope of a bright future-

...simply took away my present blues...
- PS

"Easing into the notion of Life was not easy,

Learning the lessons was difficult,

Keeping the motivational spirit high was tasking,

Holding the head High in downs was exhausting...

But still it all happened

and

made me- Me"

- Pooja A Shrivastava

"Some go the right way,
Some go the other way.
Some have good days,
Some have the other ones.
Some say it an end,
Some say it as a start of something new!! "

Different people - different point of views..

Peace

"May Peace be with you.. "
What an amazing line this is!
The stillness, the calm,
the serenity
its all the part of the Peace..

But Peace isn't so easy to find,
Its not just around the corner,
Its not hidden in the clouds,
Its not serendipity,
Its not by default.

But Peace is reflected in the truth,
It is in the drops of the rain,
It is in the blossoming of a Rose,
It is in the laugh of the Child,
It is inside us All..

Reach for the true You inside you,
Call the Pure Spirit within,
Look upon the Nature
Hold the One who Nurtures,
Take a moment of Silence
Take a pause
And
Say a prayer within..

Open your eyes
Witness the deed,
See the World around
with purity.
Welcome to the World Of Peace,
Welcome to the World of Peace..

Butterflies...

the tingling feeling in my stomach,
the warm rising of my blush;
the fear erasing
something big taking its place.

Never experienced this before,
the moisture making my heart full
something like Love is around me ,
but dont know what to do!

The signs surround me
the music around me
the feelings inside me
so soft- so strong
taking me over,
pulling me under,
Making me Better..

I feel the butterflies in my stomach
a miraculous beauty is now taking over.