The Mist!

In mist I walk alone,
In mist I stand alone,
Dim light trying to clear the air,
But the mist so dense,
Its hard to find a way!

In this mist I hear only myself,
No noise to distract me away,
I am with me,
Holding on to myself.

Its not scary- it just is!
Its not thrilling- it just is!
Its not rushing- it just is!

Engulfed in mist alone;
I am me- just me!

-Pooja A. Shrivastava

Break Point Once Again- A Make Point Once Again!!

I shall smile for the world,
but who shall I turn to when I cry;
Forget the sorrows and move on they say,
but what if they are ones throwing stones on my way;
Am I to rely on no one in my life?
No one to come share my pain and say "baby its all right"..
All I have are the ones who have stood by me
But now have just distrust to spare...
No I wont take pity,
I wont take accusation,
I have dignity
I have my honor by my side..
I shall not lose myself again,
Not to you nor others as well...
I am putting myself back again
And shall do that again and again-
B'coz Life puts you through tests
But I promised myself
That I shall Rise Again and Again!!!

Depression a Reality., but Suicide is not the Answer!!

The feeling of letting go.. feeling of never having to deal with it anymore.. the feeling of being lost in the pain so that we cant feel the pain anymore... Yes many of us have been there or we know someone who has been.. or we might as well have lost someone due to this...
I speak from my experience as I have been on that edge when I wanted to let go.. to lose, to never face.. to give up... 
Depression- our emotions that turn us upside down.. inside out.. delude our perceptions, our understanding our belief system.. Depression is a reality..
For some it might work when you say "Accept it bro and Move on in life " not for all.... what if the situation they are in and the perception they carry right now does not allow them to move on...
Let me make it clear.. I DO NOT APPROVE OF SUICIDE AS AN OPTION.. LIKE I SAID I HAVE BEEN ON THAT EDGE..
But It is still a reality.. I speak to people who feel they are on the edge and wanna let go -
"DON'T" coz there is always a way to out.. We are not seeing in the right direction.. Don't close down when you feel this low; share your thoughts; doubts and questions with someone you truly trust.. some one has always stood by you!! or there are always professionals you can go to. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness. Not Accepting it- IS!!!
All this debates over if an actress committing suicide... it is sad... A family Lost someone they loved, they cared about..
In a suicide its not just 'A life' that is lost; the family dies with it.. the mourning never stops...
It was the thought of my parents, brother and sister and my friends that made me step back from the edge...
Think of the ones you love before taking any extreme step... You are a loved, blessed soul.. God is looking after you.. So He has put you through Life tests.. but he has equipped us with lessons and strengths as well...
Have faith in yourself.. God loves you..

The Battlefield

Behind the walls of the shield,
I fight the war beneath,
I am the army, I am the force,
I am the enemy, I am the fort.
Swords that slay me,
arms that cover me,
the blood spilled.
All are mine and all is me
I am the slayer,
I am the slayed..
I am the warrior, I am the menace..
This my battle,
This life is my battlefield; The war is my life story,
The ending is my Salvation..


Pooja Shrivastava

LOST!!

Lost….3rd August 2014

What is the worst thing that can happen….

You can lose your things; you can lose your comfort

You can lose money; you can lose your belongings

You can lose property; you can lose your roof

You can lose your loved ones; you can lose the ones who love you more

But tell me what to do -

When-

You lose yourself; you lose faith

you lose the feeling of belonging

you lose the cherished memories only the darkness engulf you

you lose the ability to love, to expect, to laugh and to enjoy

you lose the desire to live and want to succumb in the night

And Please please please tell what you do when-

You WANT to be lost….

 

.......???

Its been years that I have written; or may be written but did not want to share it here...
yea that is exactly what happened..
Past days have been troublesome to put it lightly; I don't want to say much about it here...
But I do want to say how I feel today...
What past has taught me
What shadows now follow me
What I carry with myself
It might or might not matter to everyone else..
But for me it an experience I pray no one has to encounter
and though its the cruel reality of the very world around us all
I pray that who so ever encounters it shall have the strength to bear it and move on in life...
To all my fellow survivors "Have a little faith, Hold on a little longer. Lord is watching over us all.. Don't give in to sorrows. You think its beyond your limit then happiness is just beyond the corner. He is simply testing our Faith.. Pray and stay True.. He is your Witness; He is your Partner.. "

What do you Name when you try and write about your life experiences after dying and then being alive again... . The Rising... The Re-awakening... ??? The Phoenix ...

I am not even sure I want to title this post...
How do I describe this feeling of writing again.. of wanting to write again.. of have small pieces of my soul coming back again...
Being Lost but Finding my Way back to Self
The belief that Not is All is lost
there is still hope and there is still a way forward..
A friend of mine said now that you have finally hit the ground there is only one way and that 'UP'
That's a good advice.. When things look bleak and blurry; these are the kind of words one would wanna listen...

You and I..!!!

When i thought i was lost,

you came along,

and showed me the way.

When i thought i was moving on,

you smiled,

and bade me away.

When i though i was sad,

you wiped my tears away. 

you held me

when i could not look at myself, 

you held me

when i felt betrayed. 

you stood by me when i failed

and said that hope is on the way. 

you warmth made the hurt go away,

your kindness made the pain wash away. 

you accepted me with my flaws,

never cajoled me to change. 

but now i wish to overcome my weekness,

so that i can on my own

find my way to you... 

- Pooja A Shrivastava